我有話要說How direct can you be? by Ruth Devlin
When Americans discuss ideas or express their opinions, they are often direct. They talk about good points and bad points. They disagree and may even argue about issues. These kinds of conversations contrast with discussions held in Chinese culture where mianzi (面子) is very important. Mianzi, or “face” in English, translates basically as respect or honor. In Chinese society, people can lose face, save face and give face. Losing face means bringing shame on oneself and others. This is done when a person shows anger or says negative things about others in public.
Why the difference? In general, Western cultures tend to be "individualistic" People place a lot of importance on public debate and freedom of expression. A personal sense of guilt guides one's behavior. When an adult makes a mistake his or her action involves only personal embarrassment.
There is no shame placed on one's family, company or country. Even though Westerners don't have conflict all the time, differences of opinion are accepted as a natural part of life.
Conversation A -Laura comes into the room
Hi, Laura, You look pretty upset. Yes, I just attended a very annoying meeting.
Why was it annoying? All we did was argue. No one agreed on anything.
Well, at least you know where everyone stands on the issues. That's true. But everyone has strong opinions, so we may never make a decision.
Who led the meeting? Jim, the guy who was supposed to lead it, didn't take charge.
So it was a disaster? Yes, I think I'll talk with him before the next meeting and encourage him to take control.
Good idea.
Conversation B-Jack hangs up the phone
Oh boy, I need to help the new guy in our office, Steve. Why?
Because he always says exactly what he thinks.What's wrong with that?
He's not sensitive. Being honest is good, but you have to be careful how you say things.
Yes, you do, or people won't have a very favorable opinion of you.
Steve needs to think before he speaks and consider the effect of his words.
Well, I hope you can help him understand the importance of tact. If you can't he's going to have a difficult time.
Grammar
These kinds of conversations contrast with discussions held in Chinese culture where mianzi is very important.
where-here is not for "place" is refer to " in which"
These kinds of conversations contrast with discussions held in Chinese culture in which mianzi is very important.
We have a situation in which no one is the winner.
We have a situation where no one is the winner.
The president created a program in which private companies could work with public agencies in helping the poor.
The president created a program where private companies could work with public agencies in helping the poor.
"where" and "in which" can interchangeable.
" where" is use in informal or verbal conversation, and "in which" is in formal situation.
Vocabulary
shame (n)-羞耻,耻辱Shame on you for cheating on the test!
*The student who cheated showed no shame for what he had done.
*His behavior brought shame on the whole company.
expression (n)- 表达,表示,表现,表情express (v)-表达
Our teacher Ms. Newport encourages expression of our opinions and ideas.
*Henry sent his girlfriend a bouquet of flowers as an expression of his love.
*The card is simply an expression of our gratitude.谢意
*She showed no expression when her boss fired her.无表情
guilt (n)- Marilyn is feeling a lot of guilt for running into your car.
embarrassment (n)- 不可数名词,难堪 embarrass-不好意思
It was a real embarrassment for everyone when Jack lost his temper at the party.
*He tried to hide his embarrassment by making jokes.
*The outcome of the basketball game was an embarrassment for the team, they lost by 30 points.
annoying (adj)-Cecily is so annoying. She talks all the time!
take charge (idiom)- take control, take responsibility.
After Mom took charge of the picnic, everything went well.
sensitive (adj)-Hank asks too many embarrassing questions. He's not sensitive to others' feelings.
*A good nanny should be sensitive to the baby's needs and know how to respond.
*Peter is a warm and sensitive husband.
*Brenda has very sensitive skin. She can't stay in the sun too long.
favorable (adj)-赞同德或称赞的。好评的。favor-偏爱，
Everyone has a favorable opinion of your idea, so let's do it! *The movie received favorable reviews from the critics.
*The new CEO has created a very favorable impression of the company.
tact-老练，机智，应对得体，圆滑He showed great tact during the negotiations.表现老练
* You need a lot of tact to deal with angry customers in the customer service.懂得应对
hang up-put back on something (the hoke, the phone).
upset-angry, sad, mad, not happy.
know where one's stands-truly know what people are thinking. know people's idea or opinion.
Chat Room
direct-直言不讳,直率的straight forward, frank (adj)坦白,坦率的, “Frank (n.)”
stop "beating around the bush” (idiom), get the point.说话不直接,拐弯抹角,(前猎人打猎,在灌木草丛的周边外围敲击,把猎物引出来不直接射猎.)
mince words-mince-cut meat into small pieces.把话切碎了说,避免太刺耳.说话不直接.
don't mince words-叫人"不要太含蓄,直接说." 比较有负面的意思.
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So it was a disaster-灾难，很失败，夸张的表示任何一个失败的结果.dinner /dating was disaster.
disaster is something happen cause wide spread destruction. such as fire, plane crash, ship sink either nature（自然的） or man-made (人为的）.
disaster=catastrophe灾难=fiasco很大的失败，一次惨痛的经验=total failure.
Learn from this article: Watch what you say, but more important is that how you say it.
speak directly is fine but be sure speak with sensitive and respectful manner.
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